Finding Purpose

Do you know who you are? Do you know what your dreams and aspirations are? Are you content with yourself? If the answer to these questions is “no” or “I don’t know” then welcome to the board. I am on the same journey as you and learned a few tools that are helpful for me and will probably help you as well answer the question of “How to be True to Yourself?”. Let’s do this together.

Being true to yourself is, unfortunately, not something that comes naturally to everyone. It’s something that gets blocked somewhere between your childhood and the now moment. It means that you are disconnected from yourself. And that you are running on autopilot.

To put it more structured, not being true to yourself means:
– not knowing what you want from this life;
– pleasing others;
– changing your behavior/opinions depending on your environment;
– not caring about your own needs;
– not having opinions or not being able to express them clearly;
– leaving your dreams and goals as the last thing on the “list”;
– not feeling connected to your body;
– feeling disconnected from most people around you.

Related: How self-worth stops you from reaching your dreams?

How did you lose touch with your authentic self?

I just want to let you know that it is not your fault for getting here. You might have got here because of some kind of trauma, because you had little time for yourself, or because of your anxiety that keeps you away from connecting to yourself.

But here’s the inspiring part: while you can’t change the past, you have the power to shape your future and become the person you aspire to be. Your future holds endless possibilities. By nurturing your true self, you can create a life that feels genuine and fulfilling, both in mind and spirit. And I will give you some tools to do so.

How do you know if you are being true to yourself?

If you read the book “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho, you know that all you need to do is just listen to your own heart and that is when you know that you are being true to yourself. In other words, don’t listen to your fear, anxiety, neighbor, friend, mom, or any pattern of thoughts.

To put it another way, your true self is within you and when you feel truly aligned with your body, mind, and soul, that is when you will know that you are being fully authentic. On the other hand, if you feel confusion within yourself, judgment, and resistance, then you are probably not connected to yourself.

I have found that being your true self is not a goal but rather a journey. You will always need to go back to yourself, look within, and just be with yourself because it is so easy to get caught up in the rut of everyday life.

Ways that will help to become true to yourself

Before doing any further, I would like to say that being true to yourself is a long process that requires commitment and curiosity. Do not get frustrated after the first try, and do not stop working towards becoming your true self after you had some success. As I said, you will always need to implement some of these tools in your day-to-day life in order to feel the benefits over time.

1. Sit in silence

We always try to find the answer outside of us: in podcasts, books, from friends and family. We always distract ourselves with social media when we feel bored, and we run from one task to another.

But what if the answer is in your own mind and body? You are wise. But you just don’t know that because you don’t allow yourself to think in silence.

Sometimes, we could read books all of our lives and still don’t get to the truth. Because the truth can be found only inside each of us. Each of us has his own truth that needs to be discovered. And it’s right here, under our noses but we look so far for it.

For some people, meditation might be useful here. For others, a walk in nature, a date with himself/herself, or a day for doing nothing can be great and useful. Do what works for you but try to just be.

2. Take deep belly breaths

Most of the time, when we are not true to ourselves, we breathe very shallow and fast. This disconnects us from our true selves even more.

Our body and mind are very connected. Therefore, reconnecting to your body also means connecting to your mind and regaining authenticity within.

Research also shows that taking deep belly breaths can help you truly relax and connect to your body. What I like to do is to fully breathe into my belly for 4 seconds and then exhale for 8 seconds. You can do 6 second inhale and 8 seconds exhale. Just make sure that your exhale is longer than the inhale.

What I like about this technique is that it is very accessible and quick. I can do it wherever I am, it won’t look weird. Just 3 deep belly breaths can help you reconnect to your true self.

3. Take time to define your values

I’ve come to realize that sometimes I am not true to myself simply because I don’t know what I want. Or, better said, my heart knows what I want but I can’t put it into words.

And while sometimes it is ok to just accept what your heart says without needing more, it is sometimes necessary to take a pen and a notebook, sit down, think, and write. Write what is it that you would like in a specific area of your life.

For me, it is about defining my career goals. I find it hard to answer the question of: what is your plan for the future? I usually just answer something that would sound reasonable: like continuing the profession that I have studied in college. But in reality, I know that I don’t enjoy it. So I would just think about what is it what I want to achieve in my career. And I write it down.

Writing down really helps to get it out of your head and kind of solidify the goal/ that you want to achieve.

I encourage you to do the same in the area of life where you feel lost. It is not a 20-minute process. It requires time, energy, and sometimes frustration. But that’s ok, it’s part of the process.

4. Be silly

We used to be silly when we were children. But something switches along the way and we lose that playfulness that we once had. But weren’t we our truest selves when we were children? Yes, we were.

So, let’s become silly again. It doesn’t have to be in front of everyone. Just play some music for yourself and just start dancing like nobody is watching (because nobody does). Or go out with a friend and play a game of whom is the silliest. For instance, you could make a competition about who has the weirdest moves when dancing. Just have fun and let creativity flow all around you.

It can also be singing, drawing, or just talking about silly stuff. Don’t be serious all the time. Be playful a little.

5. Work on a personal project

Getting into a state of flow is very beneficial when you want to get closer to your inner self. What are you passionate about? Is it drawing, yoga, sewing, lego, cooking, or puzzles? Is it something else?

For me, it is writing (although maybe I am not that good at it). I find it so rewarding to write what I have learned from experience, books, and podcasts. This is my project, you are now part of it, thank you for that.

Now back to you. Did you ever experience a flow state? It’s when you lose the notion of time and when your thoughts are very quiet. You are focused and all in.

If you don’t know what it is, just experiment. It can be something as simple as cooking. Or it can be more complex such as modeling ceramics or writing a fiction book. Be curious in the process and let all the emotions just appear within. And then, say hi to your true self.

6. Yoga

Yoga is an ancient practice that helps reunite the body and the mind. It is an easier way to connect to yourself than meditation because you control your mind through movements instead of controlling your mind with your mind.

This practice can help you release the blockages that stop you from becoming your true self. It can also help you embrace yourself just as you are. There are many more benefits of yoga that you will discover yourself if you try it out.

Don’t forget to embrace all that comes when you practice yoga. Oftentimes, all the blockages get stuck in our bodies, and with yoga, you can release them. So it’s essential to accept any feelings, emotions, or thoughts that might arise in order to get to harmony and balance within.

7. Accept yourself

I’ve noticed that sometimes, I am not being true to myself simply because I am resisting it.

Certainly, it’s not uncommon for people to find themselves in situations where they’re not being true to themselves due to resistance. This resistance can stem from a variety of sources, such as societal expectations, fear of judgment, or personal insecurities. When you resist being true to yourself, you might be suppressing your genuine thoughts, feelings, desires, and values in order to conform to what you think others want or expect from you.

This internal conflict between authenticity and conformity can lead to feelings of discomfort, anxiety, and even a sense of emptiness. Over time, living inauthentically can take a toll on your overall well-being and satisfaction with life. Embracing your true self requires self-awareness, self-acceptance, and the courage to stand up against the pressures to conform.

Being yourself can be hard when you feel like you have to act a certain way. Here’s how you can be more real: think about what matters to you, don’t let fear stop you, accept who you are, and tell people what you really think. Start with small changes and have supportive friends. Stay focused on the present and be open to growing and changing. Being yourself might be tough, but it makes you feel better about yourself and your life.

Related: Embracing Impermanence: The Power of Acceptance and Letting Go

Final encouragements

To sum it all up, the journey towards embracing your true self is an ongoing adventure that requires your dedication. By putting into practice the hands-on techniques we’ve explored, you’re taking genuine strides toward living a life that feels uniquely yours. Dive into self-reflection, cast off the expectations of others, set those boundaries, communicate your truth openly, and make choices that truly resonate with your heart.

Remember, this journey is about more than perfection; it’s about connecting with both your strengths and vulnerabilities. In a world that often pushes us to conform, your commitment to being genuine paves the way for personal growth and more meaningful relationships.

As you navigate this transformative path, your self-esteem will flourish, and your life will align more closely with what you truly value. So, with confidence, step forward onto this road of self-discovery – your authentic self is eagerly waiting to embrace you and guide you towards a more fulfilling life.

Self-worth is such an underestimated topic. Almost all of us have this problem yet so few of us take action to end this. What we do is just feed that low self-worth and this results in stopping you from reaching your goals.

If you:
– are a people pleaser;
– are a perfectionist;
– overthink a situation and convince yourself that you did so badly in that situation;
– don’t think that you deserve to be happy (consciously and unconsciously);
– don’t acknowledge your success;
– are telling yourself how unsuccessful you are;
– comparing yourself to others;
-can’t seem to get anywhere in your life,
… then you probably have low self-worth.

Just to make you feel better, I am in the same boat. I tick all the boxes from above. Probably even more.

But recently, I have discovered some techniques that help me feel better about myself and realize that it’s all just a pattern in my mind. And that actually, I am capable of more than I think.

You probably ask yourself, what does self-worth have to do with reaching dreams, goals, and aspirations?

Here is the simple answer:

Low self-worth results in not trusting yourself and therefore not even trying new things. Because you think you are not good enough and that you will not succeed.

It’s that simple.

It’s like you would have a friend who wants really badly to quit his job and start his own business. If you would tell him: you are not good enough, you don’t have any business background bla-bla-bla, he might give up on his dream.

On the other hand, if you would encourage him and tell him that you are here for him no matter what, and you trust him, then you will give him that spark to actually take action.

It is our own thoughts that keep us from reaching our dreams.

How do we change that?

By having better self-worth about ourselves. Or, in other words, by offering ourselves love.

A step-by-step guide on improving self-worth

I must warn you that this is not a one-day or overnight process. It requires dedication and willingness to change. In return, you will have a better relationship with yourself, which is key to helping you reach your full potential as a human being.

1. Recognize your pattern

While you probably know that you have low self-worth, you might be asking yourself why. It might be because you want to fit into society (that’s why you people please), or it might be because your parents wanted you to always be the best in the class, among your relatives (and that’s why you are a perfectionist). Or it might be because you feel like only once you achieve a certain thing in your life you will be worthy, otherwise you are a failure.

All of these patterns were a survival mechanism for you until you realize that you are not in survival mode anymore. Now, you just do them unconsciously without even realizing it. But you know there is something wrong. That’s a good thing because suffering is a way of communicating to you that there is a need for change.

So just realize that there is this pattern in you that works on autopilot. It helped you before but now you want to get rid of it. And how do you get rid of it? By accepting it.

2. Acceptance

Nothing softens the self-criticism more than accepting it.

Accept the fact that it is a pattern and it served you a purpose. Thank it for keeping you alive. Accept all the emotions that come with it.

For instance, if you judge yourself for your speech in front of your colleagues, and you think that they thought you are stupid, or have nothing interesting to say, just accept it. Just let all of the emotions and thoughts run through your body without resisting them. They are all welcomed as long as you consciously realize that it is just a pattern of thoughts that got so deep and anchored in you that now it is almost a part of you.

There is nothing better to do than just accept them.

3. Action

So, what your biggest dream is?

I can start. My dream is to have a big loving family, be financially free, have a small house with a big garden, have time to make food from scratch, have time for small daily rituals, and have lots of personal project doing on (this blog, cooking blog, open a thrift store, write a book, create a course).

Visualization helps. Visualize all of your dreams to come true. Welcome all the senses: the smell of coffee, fresh air, a touch, a hug, a song. Anything. Visualization helps create new neuropathways in our brains which will change some of the old ones (including the ones that you think you are not worthy of all of this).

And then… things will naturally happen. Right now, I am writing this blog post although AI is invading with lots of blog posts like this in only 5 seconds, and although I have no idea what this is going to lead to. I just trust the process. I trust myself.

Please do the same. Start with small actions every day.

You may start with yourself. By sitting in stillness and listening: what do I want right now? what my goals are? what does my intuition say?

The answer is not going to come now but it will if you have just a little trust in yourself.

Final encouragements

Isn’t it crazy that the patterns in our minds lead to our everyday behavior and actions? We want to change but we can’t because of these deep-rooted patterns.

But again, accept them, and imagine your perfect life. You can get there despite what your mind is telling you. Remember: you can’t control your thoughts so don’t let them control you.

You can do much more than what you can think of. You have potential, you surely do.

With love,
Diana

How to bridge the gap between knowing something and actually applying it to your own life?

You know, it’s truly fascinating how much knowledge and wisdom we can gain from podcasts, books, and various sources. We’re exposed to countless ideas that could genuinely make our lives better. But why is it that we often struggle to put those insights into action? It might seem like an abstract concept, but I’ve come to believe that the key to bridging that gap lies in something quite profound: self-love.

Now, before you dismiss this as some unattainable notion, let’s think about it for a moment. Priorities are what drive our lives, right? We schedule time for work, responsibilities, and others, but how often do we set aside meaningful time for ourselves? Time for simply being, eating in stillness, going for a leisurely walk, or engaging in acts of self-care and kindness.

Moreover, the way we treat ourselves affects everything else. Negative thoughts, self-judgment, and a passive attitude won’t magically lead to a fulfilling life. We can’t expect things to fall into place if we don’t actively cultivate self-love.

Consider the act of showing love and kindness to yourself, just as you would to a dear friend. Treating yourself with compassion, understanding, and forgiveness can be life-changing. It means you want to be happy and feel loved, and that’s a beautiful thing. Sometimes, we need to start with self-love before we can truly love and care for others.

Ever heard of the five love languages? They aren’t just for romantic relationships; we can apply them to our relationship with ourselves too. When we neglect self-love, our emotional cup becomes empty, and we can’t pour positive energy into others. However, when we start practicing self-love by being kind to ourselves, practicing self-compassion, and nurturing our emotional well-being, we can then extend that overflowing energy to the people we care about.

So, love is not an abstract concept floating somewhere in the universe; it’s right here, within us. You are loved, and it’s essential to believe that. Embracing self-love doesn’t mean you’re being selfish; it means you’re nurturing your inner self, making room for personal growth and happiness.

Why self-love is so powerful?

To give you some motivation to start your journey toward self-love, here are some things that can happen to you after you start showing yourself love and kindness:

Attracting positive experiences: When we practice self-love, we emit positive energy and radiate a sense of contentment and self-assurance. This positive aura often attracts like-minded individuals and opportunities into our lives. People are naturally drawn to those who exude confidence and self-respect, which can lead to the formation of meaningful connections and relationships. Moreover, when we believe in our worth and capabilities, we are more likely to take risks and pursue opportunities that align with our goals, resulting in a higher likelihood of experiencing positive outcomes and successes.

Alignment with values: Self-love involves understanding and accepting your authentic self. Now, you might just start living in accordance with your values but for me what is happening is that I am discovering them. By sitting in stillness, listening to myself, and reconnecting with myself, I am starting to discover what my values are. It is not a static, one-line journey, it certainly has ups and downs. But it is so beautiful finally being here for myself and understanding myself on the deepest level.

Reduces self-sabotage: Self-sabotaging behaviors often arise from feelings of unworthiness or self-doubt. When we lack self-love, we may engage in self-destructive patterns, such as procrastination, negative self-talk, or something worst than that. However, practicing self-love helps break this cycle. By acknowledging our inherent worth and treating ourselves with kindness, we are less likely to engage in actions that undermine our progress or well-being. Self-love encourages self-compassion, enabling us to learn from our mistakes, truly accept them, and move forward with a growth mindset.

Empowerment and autonomy: Self-love liberates us from seeking validation and approval from others. When we love ourselves, we become less reliant on external opinions and judgments. This newfound empowerment allows us to make decisions based on our true desires and needs, rather than being swayed by societal expectations or pressures. We take ownership of our lives and become architects of our destinies. This sense of autonomy fosters a deeper sense of control and agency over our experiences and outcomes. You no longer need to dress as you HAVE to but as you WANT. You no longer need to behave a certain way or say certain things. Because you know your worth.

Increased self-awareness: Self-love involves cultivating a deep and honest relationship with oneself. This process of self-reflection and self-acceptance leads to heightened self-awareness. As we love and care for ourselves, we become attuned to our emotions, triggers, strengths, and areas for growth. This self-awareness is crucial for personal development and allows us to make more informed choices that align with our authentic selves.

Final encouragements

Embracing and nurturing this profound concept can lead to a transformative journey of personal growth and fulfillment.

Let us remember that self-love is not a destination but a continuous journey of self-discovery and growth. It requires patience, dedication, and a willingness to embrace our imperfections. By making room for self-love in our lives, we lay the foundation for a brighter, more authentic future – one where we can be our truest selves and contribute positively to the world around us.

And please keep in mind: self-love can lead to discovering your true potential. Because you certainly are capable are more than you think of now.

With love,
Diana

If you want to know some ways to practice self-love, read this: Self-love is key to living a meaningful life

The idea of self-love was once foreign to me, but I’ve come to realize its profound impact on leading a meaningful and intentional life, as well as fostering deeper connections with others.

Unfortunately, many of us, including myself, tend to start our days by judging ourselves, leading to a cycle of self-hate and disconnection from our true selves. This negative pattern makes us unconsciously seek out negativity both within and around us. This turns us into our own worst enemies. I find it disheartening to project these thoughts onto others, as I would always extend compassion and support to someone experiencing a headache, breakup, or any difficulty.

For instance, if a friend has a headache, I’d genuinely express concern, reassure them that it’s alright, and advise them to rest and take care of themselves. However, when I experience a headache, I tend to push myself, ignore my own needs, and feel guilty about taking time to rest. This discrepancy raises the question: why do I treat myself less compassionately than I treat others?

Breaking free from this negative pattern proves challenging. Each failure seems to amplify these feelings even more. It becomes difficult to choose an alternative path, and the notion of deserving success feels foreign. I tend to attribute achievements to luck or diminish their importance, doubting my own worthiness.

Simple solutions to self-love

The High 5 Habit. This technique, introduced by Mel Robbins, involves giving yourself a high-five in the mirror every morning. It may feel a bit awkward at first, and if it does, it means that you really have to do it. Because the awkwardness comes from your inability to accept that you are your own cheerleader first. The idea is to physically acknowledge yourself and start the day with a positive gesture. By doing this, you’re sending a message of encouragement and support to yourself, boosting your self-confidence, and setting a positive tone for the day ahead.

Nourishing Your Body. Choosing to nourish your body with healthy foods is an act of self-love and self-care. When you prioritize your well-being by eating nutritious foods, you show yourself that you value your health and want to feel good. Whole, unprocessed foods are always the best for your body. Enjoy every bite of food, and eat slowly and mindfully.

Taking Time for Yourself. It’s essential to give yourself some time off and engage in activities that bring joy and relaxation. Whether it’s going for a walk in nature, spending time with a hobby, or simply unwinding with a book, dedicating moments to yourself allows you to recharge and decompress from life’s stresses. This intentional self-care helps in reducing feelings of burnout and fosters a sense of self-compassion. Just make sure that you don’t feel guilty about it. You really shouldn’t. Otherwise, if you feel guilty, ask yourself why you live on this planet. To please others? To always run on empty?

Being Intentional About Reconnecting with Yourself. In our fast-paced lives, it’s easy to lose touch with ourselves amidst various responsibilities and distractions. Being intentional about reconnecting with yourself means taking moments to check in with your emotions, thoughts, and needs. This can be done through meditation, journaling, or any activity that allows you to reflect and gain insight into your inner world. By connecting with yourself, by sitting in pure silence, you build self-awareness and a deeper understanding of your values and desires. Otherwise, you just run on autopilot without really knowing who you are and what your purpose is.

Reminding Yourself of Your Worth. Everyone experiences ups and downs in life, and during challenging times, it’s essential to be there for yourself. Practice self-compassion by acknowledging that it’s okay to feel emotions and face difficulties. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love and care, just like anyone else. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend going through a tough time.

Final encouragements

Overall, the core theme of these simple solutions is to develop a more positive and nurturing relationship with yourself. Embracing self-love is an ongoing process that involves being kind to yourself, acknowledging your strengths, and accepting your imperfections. By incorporating these practices into your daily routine, you can gradually cultivate a stronger sense of self-love and appreciation. Remember, self-love is not selfish; it is the foundation for building healthier relationships with others and living a fulfilling life.